Skinnyskinnyskinny;

I'll eventually get there. This is way harder than it looks.
This morning I woke up at 9:30am and started breakfast almost immediately.
I made a fried egg sandwich which may not be the best thing for me but it was better than waiting and getting taco bell or something or getting breakfast at Mae's alone. I had some fat free light yogurt and a raspberry, banana, strawberry smoothie too. I then went for a bike ride. It wasn't that long, it was maybe a half an hour, but it's constant peddling and I went like 2 miles so that seems good to me. I am ready for a nap, I've been exhausted lately.
I am going to get my hair colored and cut today. I'm happy because even though I like this long hair I hate it. I loved and missed my old hair. I like it short and sassy. I figure if I want to have long hair for my wedding it will be with extensions haha. I don't think I want long hair though because it's really just not me. Right now my hair is brown and pink, I like it but I really just wanna go back to the old me. I think it might help me get back into the skinny midset of my life.
Joe and I are having our anniversary next Saturday. I can't believe we've been together a whole year. Jesus christ. Into like the first week I kind of knew that we'd probably end up getting married. I know that will happen now :)

So much for taking it slow;

I haven't written in here in over a year, actually I didn't even realize I had this? Funny how sometimes you throw some memories in the back of your head and you don't realize it until you accidently stumble upon it.
Anyway, I'm so sick of how I feel about myself lately. I lack all motivation and just want to sleep and whatever all day long. Work takes so much out of me and I have hardly any energy to stand up when I get off work, and all I end up doing is putting everything off. Ugh!!
I gained way too much fucking weight it's disgusting. Seriously seriously disgusting. I need to take charge of my life. NOW. Okay girl, get with it.
I need to just start taking my dogs out for runs every single day and take my bike out because I am just a fat fat fatty now. Bummer summer.

Reality.

So basically here I am on the bus to my future home and I am finally ready to face reality. 

Things are moving faster than before, and just a few weeks ago I was hoping to have my life match my pace. It's finally there. I am ready to take it on and I am going to put my all in everything from this day forward. I am not holding back anymore. Holding back means you are scared and you aren't going to get everything you want out of your life. This could be a huge mistake, but let's hope it's not. I'll hope for the best and that's really all I can do from this point on out. 

Had someone told me that I was going to feel this differently about my life six months ago, I would of laughed at them and thought they were crazy. So many things have happened within the past months and I can't believe how much better off I am. I didn't ever know I was worth so much. Honestly I thought my life wouldn't ever improve. God damn was I wrong. I've gained so much more and I think highly of myself for once. It feels good to be so independent. I always have been pretty much on my own but now I don't have someone telling me I'm worthless and that I can't do any better. Fuck that, I am a person that is worth something, and worth so much more than I had. 

Whenever I take this trip I get like this. I get all these thoughts going through my head that I have pushed back too far for too long. I like taking this trip when things in my life are at a point where I am too confused to function. When I need to run away, I run away to Chicago every time. It's so much more confusing there than it is in my actual life. 

This may be the first time I've come here without that feeling. I don't feel confused. I am not unhappy. I am the happiest I've been in a very long time. I finally feel like I know where I am going and what I am all about. I'm finding myself. Slowly, but surely I am finding out who I am and what I want out of my life. I am sick of being alone but at the same time sometimes it is necessary to take that time to yourself. Now I realize why people say that. It really did help me. Now I am ready to take on whatever gets thrown at me.  

Whatever and whoever that might be. I'll embrace change. Change is scary. but necessary. I am so ready for this. I am as confident as I could possibly be about any situation right now. I am great at my job, people respect me, people come to me for help, and I am there more than anywhere else. As unfortunate as that is, it proves I am dependable and that I appreciate what I have. Waiting tables is not something I want to do my whole life obviously, but you meet so many cool people everyday and it just fits my lifestyle right now. The people I work with have become my new family and i've made the best friends I  could ever possibly make. 

The past few months in general have just been amazing. Like, really god damn amazing. I've met some people in weird ways but those people end up being my best friends. I love spending time with them. There's so much i've learned from them and I don't regret anything. 

I have so much ambition. I just need the chance to fulfill it. And when I get home I am going to. 

Thank you, you have no idea how much those few words made me think about where I was going and what I needed to do about it.

Live Fast, Die Young.

A daydream of a girl.

I am excited to once again start a blog and keep up on it. In this blog there will be stories, photos, biographies, poems, and songs. It will have a little of everything. It will be where I keep my thoughts as organized as possible. To start out I will put the first thing I wrote while coming to Chicago on the bus. I needed to get it out.