Reality.

So basically here I am on the bus to my future home and I am finally ready to face reality. 

Things are moving faster than before, and just a few weeks ago I was hoping to have my life match my pace. It's finally there. I am ready to take it on and I am going to put my all in everything from this day forward. I am not holding back anymore. Holding back means you are scared and you aren't going to get everything you want out of your life. This could be a huge mistake, but let's hope it's not. I'll hope for the best and that's really all I can do from this point on out. 

Had someone told me that I was going to feel this differently about my life six months ago, I would of laughed at them and thought they were crazy. So many things have happened within the past months and I can't believe how much better off I am. I didn't ever know I was worth so much. Honestly I thought my life wouldn't ever improve. God damn was I wrong. I've gained so much more and I think highly of myself for once. It feels good to be so independent. I always have been pretty much on my own but now I don't have someone telling me I'm worthless and that I can't do any better. Fuck that, I am a person that is worth something, and worth so much more than I had. 

Whenever I take this trip I get like this. I get all these thoughts going through my head that I have pushed back too far for too long. I like taking this trip when things in my life are at a point where I am too confused to function. When I need to run away, I run away to Chicago every time. It's so much more confusing there than it is in my actual life. 

This may be the first time I've come here without that feeling. I don't feel confused. I am not unhappy. I am the happiest I've been in a very long time. I finally feel like I know where I am going and what I am all about. I'm finding myself. Slowly, but surely I am finding out who I am and what I want out of my life. I am sick of being alone but at the same time sometimes it is necessary to take that time to yourself. Now I realize why people say that. It really did help me. Now I am ready to take on whatever gets thrown at me.  

Whatever and whoever that might be. I'll embrace change. Change is scary. but necessary. I am so ready for this. I am as confident as I could possibly be about any situation right now. I am great at my job, people respect me, people come to me for help, and I am there more than anywhere else. As unfortunate as that is, it proves I am dependable and that I appreciate what I have. Waiting tables is not something I want to do my whole life obviously, but you meet so many cool people everyday and it just fits my lifestyle right now. The people I work with have become my new family and i've made the best friends I  could ever possibly make. 

The past few months in general have just been amazing. Like, really god damn amazing. I've met some people in weird ways but those people end up being my best friends. I love spending time with them. There's so much i've learned from them and I don't regret anything. 

I have so much ambition. I just need the chance to fulfill it. And when I get home I am going to. 

Thank you, you have no idea how much those few words made me think about where I was going and what I needed to do about it.

Live Fast, Die Young.